Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
