Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
