I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
