so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
