so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
