My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
