Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So squirting runs in the family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize