you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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