it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
