I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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