I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
