drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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