Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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