i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
