i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
