Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
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