I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
