i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
