More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
