my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
