Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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