Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
