Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
