I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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