You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
