two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
