i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
