Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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