I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
