so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
