Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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