Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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