Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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