just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
false alarm, still single
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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