Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
This is the high leading the old right now
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
