so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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