If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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