only you would photoshop your dick
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
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