i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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