Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
