I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
