If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
