I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
