So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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