I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
