im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
