I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
