i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
