I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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