Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
