The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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