I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Randomize