Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
