Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
