brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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