i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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