I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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