I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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