Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just googled if crying burns calories
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
