Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
