who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
