ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
