i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
