9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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