I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
