Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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