dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize