Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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