Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
