He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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