you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
