I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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