You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
