what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Mom said you looked used
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
The ass gains better be worth it
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
