i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
