what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
40s are totally the cure
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
